we all fall short
we can never achieve perfection that God has set, but we can lean on His grace
Is anyone else thankful it’s finally February? My sister and I were just talking about how this past month seemed to never end. Perhaps it’s because of post-holiday recovery, a month of overcast and dead-looking trees. We live in the midwest and there’s been no snow, so I’m sure that makes how we feel worse. I don’t mind winter, in fact, part of me loves the season because it gives the perfect excuse to stay home to write or read. It’s harder to create that cottage-in-a-small-village-in-England feel when there is no snow. Even Narnia looked better. At least the White Witch blessed them with snow, right?
But looks are deceiving. A drab brown-grey day inside is better than all the Turkish Delight the Queen’s magic could offer against the perpetual death of winter.
The good news?
Spring is coming and Aslan is here.
Halfway through the month, I’m not ashamed to admit that I fell into a spiritual slump. Prior to that, we had two full weeks off of school & it was glorious. Every morning while my son entertained himself, I got to sit at the table with my coffee, Spotify playlist going, and Bible spread open. One hour would pass, then two. I dug into 1&2 Peter. And each time I sat there, I would feel sad because I anticipated the reality of what was to come. I won’t be able to do this when this two week break ends.
By the snap of fingers, quiet time at the table where my Spirit overflowed at ended. In its place now was only twenty minutes of Bible time (a chapter read aloud, a chapter of The Ology, and short prayer time). We had fallen back into our routine where the day was stuffed with piano, math, science, geography, appointments, co-op, & church functions. And then the usual household errands and chores (Walmart+ has been a gift!), family time, teenage driving practice, and making room for friends. Not to mention this novel I’m working on finishing & writing sidehustling to make up for the job I lost this past summer.
It’s been a busy, never-ending month and being transparent on the whole matter, I have three conflicting thoughts rotating in my brain:
1. Sam, it’s all about priorities. If two-hour Bible time is important to you, then do it.
2. Girl, chill out. There’s a season for everything.
3. Mmmm, no. You suck. You’re such a disappointment and a huge fraud.
I know I’m not the only one with these thoughts as I talk with my friends over coffee on a random weekday when our schedules finally match. We sit together and realize that we both feel the same way.
Maybe it’s the fraudulence of social media where we play the comparison game of our lives vs others. They seem to be able to do it all, I can too.
I think there’s this fear within mothers, especially homeschooling mothers, that they are afraid they aren’t doing enough and that includes their time with the Lord. There’s always things to get done, and not enough time to do them. I’ve only really had these conversations with mamas, so if that title doesn’t apply to you, could you comment your thoughts and/or personal experiences? I know this feeling isn’t just limited to one category of Christians but I seem to come across more encouraging articles directed toward Christian parents.
Anyways, it’s the Holy Spirit that convicts us to repentance when we sin, but it’s not the Holy Spirit that nags us with incessant guilt that we are failures and disappointments - that we can never do enough, achieve enough, read enough, study enough, etc. That’s the trap we fall into, the deception that distracts us from the truth. Remember who is the father of lies is, and the one who is called ‘a roaring lion waiting to devour’.
I asked my husband for assistance in finding the right verses for this topic and these three came to mind:
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God -Romans 3:23
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus -Romans 8:1
He doesn’t know that I’m quoting him on what he said after but it was too good not to write down:
“These are verses that remind us that we are all desperately reliant on grace no matter how little or much we do. I think it seems counterintuitive but I don’t think there are verses about doing less (because we are to love God with all our heart). Knowing we will never be able to live up to His standards lets us rest in His grace, rather than stress about works. And that should motivate us to holy living.”
I’m always so grateful for my husband being a voice of reason and wisdom when I trip into the pit of ‘works saves’. It doesn’t. Only Jesus saves. We will always fall short of His perfection. I think I’ve fallen into that ‘works’ mindset as I’ve been finishing up the draft on my novel. I want it perfect. Honestly, I am very afraid even admitting that it will never be perfect. I’ve checked out one hundred books from the library for historical research and mastering the craft of writing and it won’t ever be ‘ready’ to the standard that I’m setting. I will never find perfectionism in writing, or parenting, or being a wife, sister, or friend. I will never be a perfect cook, a perfect teacher, or perfectly patient.
As we can never achieve the perfection which is set by God, we only can lean on His grace.
Martyn Lloyd-Jones said, “It is grace at the beginning, and grace at the end. So that when you and I come to lie upon our death beds, the one thing that should comfort and help and strengthen us there is the thing that helped us in the beginning. Not what we have been, not what we have done, but the Grace of God in Jesus Christ our Lord. The Christian life starts with grace, it must continue with grace, it ends with grace. Grace wondrous grace. By the grace of God I am what I am. Yet not I, but the Grace of God which was with me.”
The last part of Lloyd-Jones’ quote reminds me of this song, and that’s where I’ll close up this topic. If you’ve been feeling weary, or stuck in a cycle of ‘works>grace’, find hope in “not I, but through Christ in me”.
As a thank you for reading and to keep you encouraged this month, I made you a free bookmark to download by clicking here - no strings attached or sign-up required but if you’re not a subscriber, it would be a blessing if you became one today :)
I love to share what I’m currently reading or finished reading. The first two are 100% free through Project Gutenberg. You can add them straight to your kindle or read on your phone/desktop. Good literature is at your fingertips!
-Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield Fisher (read for free)*
-A Room With a View by EM Forester (read for free)*
-The Art of Fiction by John Gardner ($9)
-Does Prayer Change Things by RC Sproul ($3)
-The American Queen by Vanessa Miller (read for free w/kindle unlimited)
-Indigo Isle by TI Lowe ($10)
This month, I contributed to Wallflower Journal on generational disconnect and The Importance of Cultivating Friendships with All Ages
in Christ,
Samantha :)