An Enriched Life

On Christian ambitions & convictions of the Spirit

Almost every day I fit in a little routine of reading & writing (usually in the morning, sometimes not). I’ll set beside me, a hot beverage, my bottle of water, my Bible, journal, and a stack of books. I’ll settle into my seat, put in AirPods if it’s noisy, and pick up my journal. From there, I’ll work on the stack of books. How is dependent on my mood, some days one chapter from each in the stack will be read and other days, only one will be picked up…or honestly, no books at all. I had felt guilty over my attentive struggles, worries disappeared after reading Book Girl and remembered, there are no rules when it comes how to read (unless you just got done reading How To Read a Book by Mortimer Adler).

My current stack of books is a mix of my own and library-owned - Spurgeon, church history, one piece of classic literature that I’m not giving up on even through it’s taken me a year, an ARC I need to review, a Christian fiction I’ll likely not read, and a few books on the history of India & it’s popular missionaries.

I’m currently prioritizing Knowing God by JI Packer. I apparently read it three years ago, but I have no memory of it.

My sister is the one who insisted on adding Packer on account of making new friends. Our family is in the process of finding a new church and the one we’ve been attending for a few weeks hosts occasional book fellowships. It’s clearly something of interest to us, a large book club diving into theological conversation.

At the end of chapter five, Packer says, “It is our shame and disgrace today that so many Christians -I will be more specific: so many of the soundest and most orthodox Christians go through this world in the spirit of the priest and the Levite in our Lord's parable, seeing human needs all around them, but (after a pious wish, and perhaps a prayer, that God might meet those needs) averting their eyes and passing by on the other side. That is not the Christmas spirit. Nor is it the spirit of those Christians- -alas, they are many--whose ambition in life seems limited to building a nice middle-class Christian home, and making nice middle-class Christian friends, and bringing up their children in nice middle-class Christian ways, and who leave the submiddle-class sections of the community, Christian and non-Christian, to get on by themselves. The Christmas spirit does not shine out in the Christian snob. For the Christmas spirit is the spirit of those who, like their Master, live their whole lives on the principle of making themselves poor- spending and being spent--to enrich their fellow humans, giving time, trouble, care and concern, to do good to others and not just their own friends- in whatever way there seems need. There are not as many who show this spirit as there should be. If God in mercy revives us, one of the things he will do will be to work more of this spirit in our hearts and lives. If we desire spiritual quickening for ourselves individually, one step we should take is to seek to cultivate this spirit. "You know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich" (2 Cor 8:9). "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus' (Phil 2:5). "I will run the way of thy commandments, when thou shalt enlarge my heart" (Ps 119:32 KJV).”

I think quotes in books that stir your spirit is an individual event, so I don’t think you reading it will quite reach how profound and impactful it was in the moment of reading it. Even now, as I re-read, comparing it to the memory of it’s first impact is dull in comparison to now. Nonetheless, it struck me a certain way, it forced me to consider specifically my own heart’s desire. Sometimes it is to serve, but more often it’s the American dream, which makes me more disheartened because the American dream seems unachievable today anyways.

I often take for granted stirrings of the heart by the Holy Spirit, forgetting how valuable and treasured it is to have convictions placed onto your heart. Even more so when you go about your day which is filled with particular events or phrases that reinforce the first stirring of the spirit. Not even an hour later from first reading this passage, I was listening to Tea Time Tuesday with Sally Clarkson on her podcast, At Home with Sally. She was discussing leaving a legacy (which had been on my mind, we all leave a legacy, positive or not), and mentioned the various opportunities that the Lord had called her to serve (mainly what pulled my attention was her time in Europe and Texas). Would she have done that all if her ambition in life was achieving the middle-class family life that we all want? How often do we ignore the stirrings of the Spirit when our hearts are focused more on ourselves and our desires?

I’ve accepted for many years, God’s calling to keep us living in a home that is not ours. I still dream of a future where I have my own home to care for and decorate, and some days we all get restless with the dream floating in our minds. It’s worse when we take into consideration the judgements of others, since it’s not quite the cultural norm here. But Packer and Sally reminded me of what I already knew - of a purpose I have here, and how our lives as Christians are never the cultural norm anyways.

There have been many things that we go through in life that lead to a greater understanding down the road in our lives. We look back in hindsight, realizing how those moments of struggle were a blessing because it taught us ______. Reading of Amy Carmichael and William Carey in their lives before missionary work in India, God had been preparing them well before the thought of missions crossed their minds.

What has life taught me so far? Sacrifice, service to others, trust, obedience, faith, strength to name a few.

Another thought pops to my mind as I listen to Sally and remember Packer’s words. If we had a permanent home, would that prevent us from quickly saying yes to God’s call on our lives? The answer, I know, would be yes. I have proof of it too, because my husband and I were just discussing about how now that we are in the process of looking for a new church, if a job popped up out-of-state, we’d be more likely to consider it since ties are loosened. If we had a mortgage, and were called to move, or go back to school, or switch jobs, or serve in other ways…those ties would hinder our willingness to say yes.

I’m not saying I think that’s the reason why we don’t have a home yet, just a consideration - Is my willingness to do the will of God attached to the assurance that whatever it is won’t be too much out of my comfort zone or inconvenience.

Later that day, as I still had the thoughts of the Holy Spirit’s convictions on my thoughts, I picked up my Kindle to read The Bodyguard by Katherine Center. I apparently had requested to read it two months ago and it was finally available on the Libby app. I had already made up my mind that I was unlikely to enjoy it - a romcom-style book that reverses gender roles with the woman as the bodyguard? Cute idea, probably would make a decent Netflix-binge, but if there’s romance in books I’d much prefer traditional gender roles. A 5 foot 5 inch woman jumping in to protect a man makes for a good story, but doesn’t make my heart flutter.

Within the first chapter, the author pulls in swearing and a use of God’s name in vain. Nope, don’t read this. The first thought that popped into my mind. Not that I make it a habit to close every single book that has swearing in it, but I was given the impression that this was clean fiction & it disrupts my current writing and reading goals.

“It’s not a big deal”, is the reply I’d hear. But isn’t it? Philippians 4:8 says, “whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.” And I know my mind is impressionable. I, once upon a time, read a book where the main character’s most common phrase is an ‘clever’ take on a phrase taking the Lord’s name in vain. It’s easy to skip over reading it, I’m not saying it outloud even…but wouldn’t you know how many times that phrase popped into my head? The same with any swear word really, listen to one said enough times, and you’ll start hearing yourself thinking it too.

Whatever your own personal convictions on books are, my main takeaway the past few days has been in consideration of the Holy Spirit and our lives as Christians. How much am I -“enrich{ing} {my} fellow humans, giving time, trouble, care and concern, to do good to others and not just {my} own friends- in whatever way there seems need”? Am I living with listening hears and an open heart, ready to do the will of my Father?